1 00:00:04,590 --> 00:00:09,430 On the bus is part one, production number 0913, recorded the 16th of the 2 00:00:09,430 --> 00:00:10,430 71, take one. 3 00:01:17,530 --> 00:01:20,870 God, blimey, what a day, eh? Yeah, passengers make you sick, don't they? 4 00:01:20,950 --> 00:01:21,768 You coming home? 5 00:01:21,770 --> 00:01:23,610 Nah, mate, nah. I'm on overtime tonight. 6 00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:25,990 I've got a load of bills to pay. Yeah, me too. 7 00:01:26,190 --> 00:01:28,610 Yeah, I had to find a demand notice at the electric light company. 8 00:01:28,830 --> 00:01:30,130 They're coming in to cut me lights off. 9 00:01:31,610 --> 00:01:34,630 Oh, no, you're all right, mate. You can do your overtime on the 24th at the 10 00:01:34,630 --> 00:01:37,430 gasworks, mate. Yeah, righto, baggy. Oh, yeah, stick me down to one, will you? 11 00:01:37,510 --> 00:01:38,510 What shall I take out? 12 00:01:38,610 --> 00:01:39,990 You can take yourself out, butler. 13 00:01:40,310 --> 00:01:41,450 Go on, get your phone out of it. 14 00:01:41,690 --> 00:01:42,770 Oh, no, where am I? No, look. 15 00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:43,970 No, I want some overtime. 16 00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:46,150 Well, that's just what you're not going to get, mate. 17 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:47,880 I want conductors, not drivers. 18 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:50,880 Oh, don't talk daft. How can you run buses without drivers? 19 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:52,960 Well, we manage all right when you're in a cab, don't we? 20 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:58,660 Oh, don't be daft. Look, oh, look, oh, look, give us a bit more. Look, I need 21 00:01:58,660 --> 00:01:59,660 some extra money. 22 00:01:59,780 --> 00:02:03,460 Well, I don't need any extra drivers. I need conductors. I've got half the 23 00:02:03,460 --> 00:02:04,500 clippers off having babies. 24 00:02:05,140 --> 00:02:07,580 God knows how they all manage them at the same time, I don't know. 25 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,220 Well, it is about nine months since the last devil outing, isn't it? 26 00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:13,399 Fuck you. 27 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:16,440 Oh, shut up. Jack, listen, why do you give it to him and not me? 28 00:02:16,780 --> 00:02:19,140 Because I haven't got any overtime for drivers. 29 00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:22,260 Look, how am I going to pay my electric light bill? They're going to come round 30 00:02:22,260 --> 00:02:23,260 and cut my lights off. 31 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,320 Well, you'll have to sit looking at each other in the dark, won't you? 32 00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,100 For your family, it should be quite an improvement. 33 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:34,000 No, Blake, you do us a favour, you know. Please, give us another shift, will 34 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,380 you? Please, Mr Blake. No. 35 00:02:36,060 --> 00:02:37,060 Dracula. 36 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:40,380 Oh, God, what am I going to do, Jack? 37 00:02:41,940 --> 00:02:42,940 Here. 38 00:02:43,150 --> 00:02:44,510 What are we doing on that bus? 39 00:02:45,170 --> 00:02:48,190 Oh, let me help you down, Marty. Oh, sir. 40 00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:49,750 Very sweet of you. 41 00:02:50,290 --> 00:02:54,570 I must say, as usual, you've made my journey most divertic. Oh, really? 42 00:02:55,070 --> 00:02:57,270 Well, you're pretty interesting, you tell. 43 00:02:57,610 --> 00:02:59,130 Oh, you really think so? 44 00:02:59,330 --> 00:03:00,330 Oh, yeah, really. 45 00:03:01,170 --> 00:03:03,970 Yes, well, it must be our common interest. 46 00:03:04,630 --> 00:03:07,470 Physical fitness has always been one of my little weaknesses. 47 00:03:09,850 --> 00:03:11,810 Don't forget to tell her about your other little weakness. 48 00:03:12,430 --> 00:03:13,430 Oh, my goodness. 49 00:03:13,590 --> 00:03:15,670 Stanley, my brother -in -law. We know. 50 00:03:15,970 --> 00:03:19,710 I seem to have gone past my stop. That's not the only thing you've gone past. 51 00:03:22,390 --> 00:03:24,790 How much extra do I owe you, my dear? 52 00:03:24,990 --> 00:03:26,210 Oh, that's all right, Arthur. 53 00:03:26,470 --> 00:03:31,010 Have it on the... Thank you very much. Watch it, Arthur, watch it. Don't get 54 00:03:31,010 --> 00:03:32,650 excited. Remember your operation. 55 00:03:33,450 --> 00:03:34,450 Operation. 56 00:03:34,690 --> 00:03:36,330 Just one of Stanley's jokes. 57 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:37,550 Most amusing. 58 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,160 OK, I'll see you. 59 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:44,160 Never mind. Is it 10 o 'clock tomorrow? 60 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:45,640 No. 61 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,460 In he got lovely hair. 62 00:03:48,760 --> 00:03:53,440 I was telling you last week, what I offer, I do admire men with a good head 63 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:54,440 hair. You really? 64 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:56,180 Well, you're wasting your time with him, love. 65 00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:00,380 Keep your hair on. 66 00:04:02,180 --> 00:04:05,620 Yeah, look at the time. I'm due out again. Well, I'll see you tomorrow, 67 00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:06,920 Oh, my goodness, yes. 68 00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:08,600 Yes, I shall look forward to that. 69 00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,010 Don't forget those press -ups. No. 70 00:04:11,370 --> 00:04:13,110 And watch out, he's not behind you when you're doing them. 71 00:04:14,790 --> 00:04:16,290 What a very witty remark. 72 00:04:17,250 --> 00:04:21,110 What's all that clapper you've given her about physical fitness? Come off it, 73 00:04:21,190 --> 00:04:24,910 mate. You were chatting her up. Yeah, still got a tune in the old fiddle, eh, 74 00:04:24,990 --> 00:04:27,130 Arthur? The only trouble with him, his bow's a bit bent. 75 00:04:29,170 --> 00:04:32,270 I'm not staying here to be insulted. I'm going home. That's all right, mate. 76 00:04:32,350 --> 00:04:33,490 You'll get insulted there and all. 77 00:04:34,490 --> 00:04:38,170 Well, come on, Charles Atlas. There's another bus going in ten minutes. I 78 00:04:38,170 --> 00:04:39,830 intend travelling in a bus with you, mate. 79 00:04:40,610 --> 00:04:42,850 I'm walking home. I shall enjoy the exercise. 80 00:04:43,430 --> 00:04:44,430 What, three miles? 81 00:04:45,770 --> 00:04:46,770 Well, that's all right. 82 00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:48,250 Help keep me fit. 83 00:04:48,790 --> 00:04:51,230 Oh, blimey. Olive will have to carry him up to bed. 84 00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:52,570 That's the only way she can get him there. 85 00:05:09,930 --> 00:05:10,990 For what took you so long? 86 00:05:11,430 --> 00:05:12,430 Well, did you get your ride? 87 00:05:12,970 --> 00:05:14,450 Oh, blimey, I knew you wouldn't walk it, mate. 88 00:05:14,890 --> 00:05:18,510 I not only walk the three miles, mate, but I've got here ten minutes before 89 00:05:18,510 --> 00:05:20,870 bus. You want to try it sometime, keep yourself fit. 90 00:05:21,130 --> 00:05:23,010 Fit? Blimey, you look as though you've crippled yourself. 91 00:05:24,250 --> 00:05:26,050 There's nothing wrong with my feet, mate. 92 00:05:26,330 --> 00:05:29,830 It is a well -known fact of medical science that hot water improves the 93 00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:32,930 circulation. Is that a fact? Well, you want to stick your head in the bowl, 94 00:05:32,970 --> 00:05:33,970 then? 95 00:05:34,650 --> 00:05:38,070 Come on. Hey, what's this you're reading here? 96 00:05:42,390 --> 00:05:44,730 Beautiful. I can't see anything for you, you know, mate. 97 00:05:45,030 --> 00:05:47,150 Isn't there one called sick and ugly? Give that here. 98 00:05:48,630 --> 00:05:51,430 Oh, but... Here, you filth the old man. 99 00:05:51,710 --> 00:05:53,410 Here. This is full of naked bird. 100 00:05:53,690 --> 00:05:55,810 Oh, Arthur, how disgusting. It is not. 101 00:05:56,150 --> 00:05:57,470 There are men there as well. 102 00:05:57,730 --> 00:05:58,730 Well, that's worse. 103 00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:03,910 Arthur, you don't let Olive see that once. You'll see what a real man looks 104 00:06:03,910 --> 00:06:07,790 like. I won't have you bringing that sort of filth in the house. It is not 105 00:06:07,790 --> 00:06:10,240 filth. It is a purely scientific magazine. 106 00:06:10,620 --> 00:06:13,280 Oh, scientific, all right. Got all the measurements here and all. 107 00:06:14,980 --> 00:06:18,300 Oh, here, this didn't interest you. Listen to this. Wigs for men. Give that 108 00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:20,540 here. Now, don't mess about. You can do with one of them. 109 00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:24,960 It says, why be bored and lonely, top yourself off with a curly top, and be 110 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:26,300 successful with women? 111 00:06:27,540 --> 00:06:34,360 The only way you'll be successful, mate, is to wear one on your face. I don't 112 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:37,200 think I'd like my man in a wig. It might tickle me in bed. 113 00:06:38,230 --> 00:06:40,150 What do you do with your bald head in bed, eh? 114 00:06:42,230 --> 00:06:43,530 I am not bald. 115 00:06:44,230 --> 00:06:46,250 I merely have a rather high forehead. 116 00:06:46,550 --> 00:06:47,550 Oh, bloody. 117 00:06:47,750 --> 00:06:50,930 I tell you something, mate. Your forehead goes right round the back of 118 00:06:50,930 --> 00:06:51,930 neck. 119 00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:55,870 I know a carter's bald head. They say baldness is a sign of virility. 120 00:06:56,230 --> 00:06:58,050 Ah, yeah, but then they don't know Harvard, do they? 121 00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,530 Well, it was certainly true of your dad. 122 00:07:02,530 --> 00:07:04,670 Mind you, he wasn't as bald as Arthur. 123 00:07:05,030 --> 00:07:06,050 Will you all shut up? 124 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,860 Bald. No, love, of course you're not. He's not bald, Mum. No, of course he 125 00:07:11,860 --> 00:07:15,480 isn't. Now, everybody, stop talking about Arthur's bald age. 126 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,800 Did you pay the electric light bill? 127 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:22,119 That's a laugh. 128 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,260 What, with shirt buttons? 129 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,660 Well, what are we going to do? They'll come and cut the lights off. 130 00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:28,940 We'll all have to go to bed with a candle then, won't we? 131 00:07:29,340 --> 00:07:30,920 Oh, Arthur, how romantic. 132 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:34,300 A woman always looks more romantic by the light of a candle. 133 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:36,680 In your case, you'll need half a gross. 134 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,000 Don't you talk to my daughter like that. 135 00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:43,980 I don't know what you've been up to lately, but I've only had a few bob off 136 00:07:43,980 --> 00:07:45,820 the last few weeks for the housekeeping money. 137 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:49,320 Ah, yes, yes. Well, I did explain. I've had one or two personal bills. 138 00:07:49,540 --> 00:07:52,120 No, Stanley, I think it's up to you. You should get some overtime. 139 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:54,460 I can't get any overtime. 140 00:07:54,820 --> 00:07:58,680 I've already asked. Well, you'll have to do something. You know how I depend on 141 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:02,660 you. You always depend on me, Mum. It's always me. Why me? 142 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,190 Well, I tell you what... What I'm going to do, I'm going to start by 143 00:08:05,190 --> 00:08:07,930 economising. Hey. Look at this place. Blimey, it's like the Blackpool 144 00:08:07,930 --> 00:08:10,390 Illuminations. Oh. The lights are going off for a start. 145 00:08:10,970 --> 00:08:11,970 Ouch. 146 00:08:12,210 --> 00:08:17,190 How much can you get? If you want the lights on, you pay for them. No, leave 147 00:08:17,190 --> 00:08:17,909 them off. 148 00:08:17,910 --> 00:08:19,190 I find it rather soothing. 149 00:08:19,490 --> 00:08:22,330 If we're going to sit here in the dark, Arthur, we might as well go to bed. 150 00:08:22,690 --> 00:08:24,250 Span, put those lights on at once. 151 00:08:25,910 --> 00:08:27,290 Are there enough of this? 152 00:08:28,790 --> 00:08:31,570 You have to go and see the inspector in the morning. 153 00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:33,500 Make him give you some overtime. 154 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,140 No, no. Why, why, why? 155 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:44,400 Butler, I've told you enough times, I do not need drivers ad nauseam. Now, what 156 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,000 do you think I'm pinning this bloomin' thing up for? 157 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:49,440 Well, look, I'll tell you what, I'll work harder, I'll get the buses out on 158 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,700 time, I'll even stop to pick up passengers. 159 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,240 I'll be a credit to you. Oh, my God. 160 00:08:57,920 --> 00:08:59,440 You made my day, Butler. 161 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:03,640 I never lived to hear you say the like of that. 162 00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:05,420 I don't know what to say. 163 00:09:05,820 --> 00:09:06,820 Well, say yes. 164 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,000 No. 165 00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:12,320 What am I going to do? Am I going to pay the bills? 166 00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:15,700 Don't bore me with your domestic problems. I've got my own troubles, 167 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,640 Here, hang a bat. 168 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:18,800 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 169 00:09:19,220 --> 00:09:20,440 I just remembered something. What? 170 00:09:21,180 --> 00:09:22,860 I've got one of my bus cleaners off sick. 171 00:09:23,390 --> 00:09:25,890 Oh, yeah, little old Bessie, her knees are giving out. Yeah, yeah. 172 00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:29,630 It's hard work, swabbing out buses, you know. I know it's very hard work, but 173 00:09:29,630 --> 00:09:30,670 what's that got to do with me? 174 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:34,490 When you finish your shift at half past five, come in here and grab a bucket and 175 00:09:34,490 --> 00:09:36,450 kneel her and get on with her job, swabbing out the buses. 176 00:09:37,070 --> 00:09:38,070 Oh, don't. 177 00:09:38,750 --> 00:09:40,310 I'm a driver, not a cleaner. 178 00:09:40,690 --> 00:09:42,590 Well, suit yourself, but I'm only trying to do you a favour. 179 00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:43,850 Of course. 180 00:09:44,190 --> 00:09:45,190 Subfavour, mate. 181 00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:49,250 Oh, 182 00:09:50,070 --> 00:09:52,370 Nellie, start on that row over there and work your way down, will you? 183 00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,970 Take the fourteens, will you? 184 00:10:07,310 --> 00:10:10,930 Not too bad, Blighty. 185 00:10:19,010 --> 00:10:20,010 It's like that. 186 00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:22,610 Would you go in? There's a Christmas fairy. 187 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,680 These are the only togs I could find. Oh, it's all right, mate. It suits you. 188 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,320 It looks better on you in your own uniform. 189 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,540 Oh, you have a good laugh, boys. Very fetching, it is, yes. 190 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:36,600 Have all the necks after you. Oh, shit. 191 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:40,600 Got your curlers all underneath there, have you? Right. And does it get 192 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:44,140 else to do your own dirty work? Oh, shut up and don't be so touchy. Well. Am I 193 00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:45,039 kidding you? 194 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,420 Don't look all that bad at all, really. 195 00:10:46,940 --> 00:10:47,940 Not really. 196 00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:51,120 Well, you'd better get on your own bus and clean that down. That's filthy 197 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,120 enough. God knows. 198 00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:00,080 I'm your mate, senior. 199 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,100 Now, Blakely, do us a favour. 200 00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:07,000 Don't tell Jack, please. No, no, no. Of course. What do you think I am, mate? 201 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:10,300 Yeah, well... Oh, there you are. 202 00:11:11,060 --> 00:11:14,420 You're on the number 17. You're out in ten minutes' time, right? Yeah, righto, 203 00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:15,459 mate. 204 00:11:15,460 --> 00:11:16,199 Here's Jack. 205 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,540 Hmm? Your mate wants you. He's on the number 11 here. Oh, yeah. 206 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:22,280 Yes, sir, mate. Jack! 207 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:23,480 Oh, sorry. I 208 00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:30,640 knew 209 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:34,200 you fancied me. There's no need to put your best frock on. 210 00:11:35,660 --> 00:11:37,060 Now, don't you start, mate. 211 00:11:37,620 --> 00:11:41,040 I only took this job to get a bit of extra money. Well, get on with it, then. 212 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:41,819 Come on. 213 00:11:41,820 --> 00:11:43,280 That's all you pay. Well, get on with it. Come on. 214 00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:46,960 Grab that hose, put the end on that brush, and clean it up. Come on, get on 215 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,780 it. All right, all right. God forbid you save me sons, have you, dearest? 216 00:11:50,980 --> 00:11:52,220 Don't wet your knickers, will you? 217 00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:57,420 Look, I'm not having him stay in here making these stupid cracks while I do 218 00:11:57,540 --> 00:12:00,740 Oh, get on with it, that's what you're paid for. Well, I don't care. 219 00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,220 Well, 220 00:12:04,020 --> 00:12:07,960 that's one window less you'll have to clean. 221 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:28,180 He's late again. He'd be worn out. 222 00:12:28,420 --> 00:12:32,640 He's been down at that depot scrubbing out them butters every evening this 223 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,960 I know he's trying to face up to it, but I think he's neither going to give way. 224 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,960 He wants to walk out of the depot like I do. 225 00:12:39,540 --> 00:12:42,860 I've never felt fitter in my life. I'm sleeping like a dog. 226 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:44,160 That's all you've ever done. 227 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:46,720 Here we are. 228 00:12:47,020 --> 00:12:48,240 Oh, come in, Jack. 229 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,440 Door's locked. Got parcel for Arthur. 230 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,780 Hey. I'll get it. No, no, no. It's all right, Santa. No, no. 231 00:12:58,910 --> 00:13:02,590 We took this in off the post, my boy. Thank you. I read the label. 232 00:13:03,310 --> 00:13:04,049 Curly tops. 233 00:13:04,050 --> 00:13:05,050 We'll see them advertised. 234 00:13:07,130 --> 00:13:08,590 You've got yourself a wig, haven't you? 235 00:13:09,010 --> 00:13:13,610 Yes, well, I got it as a surprise for Olive. So I'd appreciate it if you 236 00:13:13,610 --> 00:13:15,890 say anything, Jack. No, it's all right, mate. I'll keep it under my hat. 237 00:13:17,070 --> 00:13:21,030 Mind you, not that Stan couldn't do with a good laugh this week. 238 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,040 It was the wrong address. 239 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:34,360 I'm just popping upstairs. 240 00:13:35,420 --> 00:13:37,240 Ah, there's Dan now. 241 00:13:37,620 --> 00:13:39,180 I thought you were going upstairs. 242 00:13:39,740 --> 00:13:40,900 I've changed my mind. 243 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:45,100 I'll make him a nice cup of tea, dear. He must be wore out scrubbing out them 244 00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:46,140 buses every day. 245 00:13:49,260 --> 00:13:50,880 Oh. Oh. 246 00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:52,300 Oh. Oh. 247 00:13:52,780 --> 00:13:53,780 Oh. Oh. 248 00:13:55,060 --> 00:13:56,060 Oh. 249 00:13:56,640 --> 00:13:57,640 Oh. 250 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:09,800 What a picture you present. You look like a petrified prawn. 251 00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:15,540 Don't you start, mate. I'm just about ready for your... Looks like it. 252 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,140 No, it's like I've always said five minutes real hard work and you're 253 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:22,020 All you're fit for is sitting in a bus on your bottom. 254 00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:25,220 Arthur's talking. Blimey never gets off his. 255 00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:30,020 While I'm slaving all day to get the money for the extra bills and all that 256 00:14:30,020 --> 00:14:31,920 of thing, he's sitting lounging about in our best chair. 257 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:35,660 Yes, come on, Arthur. Get out of the chair. Let's dance this day off. Come 258 00:14:35,660 --> 00:14:36,660 get out. 259 00:14:37,140 --> 00:14:39,860 No. No, on second thoughts, why should I? 260 00:14:40,660 --> 00:14:43,820 I got here first. I've just got myself comfortable. 261 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,059 You look it. 262 00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:46,260 What are you wriggling about for? 263 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:47,860 What's the matter? Have you caught something? 264 00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,780 The only thing ever caught in this house, mate, was me. 265 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:52,080 Oh, Mum. 266 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:54,160 How can you say such a thing? 267 00:14:54,420 --> 00:14:57,900 My little Olive would never throw herself at a man, would she, Steve? 268 00:14:58,140 --> 00:14:59,420 Oh, blimey, who said he's a man? 269 00:15:00,920 --> 00:15:02,820 As far as we know, he's yet to prove it. 270 00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:04,580 Right, that does it. 271 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:06,760 I'm not staying here to be insulted. 272 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,200 I'm going upstairs. 273 00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:09,640 Shall I come with you, Arthur? 274 00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:10,960 Oh, that's all I need. 275 00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:14,140 I may well have to reconsider my position in this household. 276 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,520 Oh, Mum, he's been acting ever so strange lately. 277 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:20,980 Do you think he's going to leave me? 278 00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:22,300 That sure he is. 279 00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:23,820 We might as well look on the bright side. 280 00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:25,460 Oh, no! 281 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:28,600 Now look what you've done! 282 00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:53,900 Dear sir, please find enclosed five curly tops as requested. 283 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,540 Sent on seven days approval. 284 00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:15,760 things too small. 285 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,720 Oi, try stretching it a bit. 286 00:16:27,540 --> 00:16:29,220 You're spying on me. 287 00:16:30,060 --> 00:16:34,700 Go on, Arma, open the door, let me in. Get out of it. Is there no privacy in 288 00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:35,700 this house? 289 00:16:35,980 --> 00:16:39,960 Well, that's the way you want it. Olive, there's a strange air in me. 290 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,280 in your roof. 291 00:16:57,220 --> 00:16:59,320 Oi, I got it for Ollie's benefit. 292 00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:00,319 Did you really? 293 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,120 What, are you going to use it as a pot scourer? 294 00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:06,819 I thought it would be a surprise for her. Surprise? Blimey, you're 295 00:17:06,819 --> 00:17:07,819 her death, mate. 296 00:17:08,839 --> 00:17:10,579 God, you've got a load of them here. 297 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:14,319 Oh, look at this. Wait a minute. I don't think this one's dead, Arthur. Look. 298 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,560 I like this one. Now, I think this one... 299 00:17:36,010 --> 00:17:37,290 It's not a wig. You're trying it on. 300 00:17:37,910 --> 00:17:39,550 That's a moustache, mate. Not a joke. 301 00:17:40,830 --> 00:17:41,830 There you are. 302 00:17:41,910 --> 00:17:42,910 All right, good luck. 303 00:17:43,050 --> 00:17:43,929 Get that bug out. 304 00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:44,930 Give it here. 305 00:17:45,910 --> 00:17:48,550 Oh, look at this one. Oh, this is me. Yes. 306 00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:50,070 Right, I'll have this one. 307 00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:58,730 My lad, the bald facts in a 308 00:17:58,730 --> 00:17:59,730 case is this. 309 00:18:00,550 --> 00:18:05,250 How do you get the bald facts? They are very expensive wigs. They cost £15 each. 310 00:18:06,890 --> 00:18:10,830 I cut every week for two years for that. And you're paying 15 quid to have a bit 311 00:18:10,830 --> 00:18:11,830 stuck on. 312 00:18:12,910 --> 00:18:16,070 Wait a minute. Where'd you get 15 quid from? 313 00:18:16,790 --> 00:18:20,390 Eh? Oh, I get it. That's why you haven't been chipping in with the housekeeping 314 00:18:20,390 --> 00:18:23,850 money, eh? Right, now, if you've got that amount of money, mate, you can pay 315 00:18:23,850 --> 00:18:26,570 bills. Yes, well, I haven't got that amount of money, have I? I hadn't 316 00:18:26,570 --> 00:18:27,570 they were so expensive. 317 00:18:27,730 --> 00:18:28,730 What's so expensive? 318 00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:31,650 Nothing. Arthur, what's that sticking out of your trousers? 319 00:18:37,580 --> 00:18:39,240 and sat on it by mistake. 320 00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,000 Not when you all clear out of here and leave me alone. 321 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:45,300 Here, those are wigs. 322 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:48,460 What are you doing with wigs? 323 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,060 Arthur, you haven't turned funny, have you? 324 00:18:53,980 --> 00:18:56,760 They are men's wigs, you stupid great lump. 325 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,080 I got them for your benefit. 326 00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:03,100 But as you all so heartily disapprove, I'll return them first thing in the 327 00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:06,050 morning. I'm glad, love. I think you look better as you are. 328 00:19:06,290 --> 00:19:09,410 Do you really? You want to nip round the opticians and get yourself another pair 329 00:19:09,410 --> 00:19:10,410 of glasses? 330 00:19:16,690 --> 00:19:18,830 Morning. Morning, Mark. Hello. Let's have breakfast. 331 00:19:19,170 --> 00:19:20,170 Dear, oh, dear. 332 00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:22,850 What's Arthur doing in the bathroom? He's been in there over an hour. 333 00:19:23,490 --> 00:19:24,590 Drowning himself, I hope. 334 00:19:25,850 --> 00:19:27,330 What's the matter with you? You sound a bit rough. 335 00:19:27,610 --> 00:19:29,170 I've had a wink of sleep all night. 336 00:19:29,630 --> 00:19:30,630 What? With Arthur? 337 00:19:30,690 --> 00:19:31,850 I didn't think he had it in him. 338 00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:36,220 Yeah, and he's back to me all night. 339 00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:41,040 Oh, I thought that was normal for you two. I knew there was something going 340 00:19:41,500 --> 00:19:42,720 All them wigs. 341 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:46,160 It's like when a man starts buying new underclothes. 342 00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:50,300 There's always a woman behind them. Well, if there is, she's welcome to him, 343 00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:51,320 selfish pig. 344 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,760 Oh, good morning. Are you feeling better? 345 00:19:57,060 --> 00:19:59,880 Could you kindly tell my wife to post those wigs back? 346 00:20:01,540 --> 00:20:03,620 Tell her! Oh, blimey, here we go. 347 00:20:04,460 --> 00:20:06,180 Would you kindly post those wings? 348 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:07,920 Tell him to post them himself. 349 00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:09,380 Tell him. 350 00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,540 He said tell him to post them yourself. Tell him. 351 00:20:13,140 --> 00:20:14,140 Right, I will. 352 00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:15,160 Where's my breakfast? 353 00:20:15,220 --> 00:20:16,360 I must know. Get it yourself. 354 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:20,320 I don't happen to be very hungry. 355 00:20:20,580 --> 00:20:21,580 I'm going to work. 356 00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:22,700 Well, go and good riddance. 357 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,360 Oh, stop it, you two, will you? 358 00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:27,820 Now, stop being childish, Arthur. Sit down. Sit down. Go on. Oh, let's go get 359 00:20:27,820 --> 00:20:28,820 breakfast. 360 00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,320 Here, Arthur. 361 00:20:30,580 --> 00:20:33,300 Here. Have that one. Go on. Get off. Get off. 362 00:20:35,820 --> 00:20:38,960 Stop being ridiculous, will you? I mean, after all, you're one of the family. 363 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:41,060 Come and relax, mate. Come and take your hat off you. 364 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:45,540 You snake in the brass! 365 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,220 You're lying all the time! 366 00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:51,260 Oh, Arthur, send it back. Don't let something like that come between us. 367 00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:52,500 No, no, no! 368 00:20:53,580 --> 00:20:56,140 You can all shout as much as you like. I'm keeping it. 369 00:20:56,740 --> 00:20:59,300 When I first came in this house, I had a good head of hair. 370 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,060 And I want it back again. 371 00:21:03,040 --> 00:21:05,040 Goodness sake, I need something out of life. 372 00:21:05,390 --> 00:21:06,770 I've paid dearly enough for it. 373 00:21:06,990 --> 00:21:10,490 You pay for it? Blimey, I pay for that, mate. Scrubbing them buses. 374 00:21:10,730 --> 00:21:11,730 You send it back. 375 00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:15,010 I'm not slaving on my ancient knees so you can walk around looking like an 376 00:21:15,010 --> 00:21:16,090 animated floor brush. 377 00:21:16,950 --> 00:21:20,170 That does it. Get out of the way. I'm not being insulted. I'll go it. 378 00:21:20,730 --> 00:21:22,070 I may come back. 379 00:21:22,290 --> 00:21:24,450 On the other hand, I may not. 380 00:21:36,970 --> 00:21:39,450 If there is, I'll say one thing for him. Blimey's a glutton for punishment. 381 00:21:44,270 --> 00:21:47,310 Hey, Lofty, have a look at the handbrake, will you, mate? I think it 382 00:21:47,310 --> 00:21:48,310 taking up a bit. 383 00:21:49,570 --> 00:21:52,750 Well, I must say I have enjoyed our little chat. 384 00:21:52,990 --> 00:21:53,990 Yeah, very nice. 385 00:21:54,350 --> 00:21:56,050 My goodness. 386 00:21:56,370 --> 00:21:58,370 Do you know, I really think I need a haircut. 387 00:21:58,870 --> 00:21:59,849 Oh, no. 388 00:21:59,850 --> 00:22:01,690 Why don't you let it grow a bit? 389 00:22:02,090 --> 00:22:04,590 Oh, do you really think so? Yes, well, perhaps I will. 390 00:22:04,910 --> 00:22:06,720 Yes. Let me help you down. 391 00:22:06,980 --> 00:22:09,660 Oh, dear. Oh, hello, me. Hello, me. 392 00:22:10,720 --> 00:22:13,880 Lofty, Lofty, mate, have a look at this button that closes the door when it 393 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,040 sticks. You have to press it hard to work it. Look, I'll show you. 394 00:22:17,260 --> 00:22:18,260 Help! 395 00:22:18,700 --> 00:22:20,820 Let me out! Let me out of here! 396 00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:22,840 What do you think you're doing, old man? 397 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:25,040 Help! Help! 398 00:22:25,140 --> 00:22:28,700 Help! What's up? Brother, come and get this door out of the jay. Help! 399 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,400 Brother, I know you don't like the passengers, mate. You don't like to chop 400 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:33,400 their blooming heads off, you know. 401 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:42,000 Oh, hey, you're the rest of the family now. 402 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:44,360 Do you know what's going on? Look at that. 403 00:22:44,660 --> 00:22:46,260 What are you doing to my Arthur? 404 00:22:46,520 --> 00:22:49,860 Never mind what she's doing to your Arthur. What's he doing to my bus? 405 00:22:50,220 --> 00:22:51,380 Come on, get out of here. 406 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:53,360 There she is. Look at her now. 407 00:22:53,580 --> 00:22:55,500 Take your hands off my husband. 408 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:56,800 Get me out. 409 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:57,840 Come on, Arthur. 410 00:22:59,340 --> 00:23:01,000 You great idiot. 411 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,340 Oh, Arthur, you've taken that silly wiggle. 412 00:23:04,740 --> 00:23:06,720 You were bald all the time. 413 00:23:06,980 --> 00:23:10,910 If I catch you chasing my husband again, you'll... be bald. 414 00:23:11,450 --> 00:23:12,490 He's chosen. 415 00:23:13,090 --> 00:23:14,950 You must be joking. 416 00:23:17,630 --> 00:23:19,110 She should be so lucky. 417 00:23:20,290 --> 00:23:22,690 Right. Come along then, sunshine. 418 00:23:23,370 --> 00:23:24,370 Better go home. 419 00:23:25,210 --> 00:23:26,690 Yes, all right, all right. 420 00:23:28,050 --> 00:23:29,330 Will you take care of that? 421 00:23:34,150 --> 00:23:36,310 He's very fond of her, really. 422 00:23:36,770 --> 00:23:37,770 Yeah. 423 00:23:41,680 --> 00:23:44,680 Yeah, I can have the money, you know. Oh, yes, you might, yes. I promised it, 424 00:23:44,700 --> 00:23:45,700 yes. Here you are. 425 00:23:45,860 --> 00:23:50,060 Yeah. Here you are. There's, uh... Oh, don't forget that. That's 15 pounds. 426 00:23:50,280 --> 00:23:54,400 Yes, one minute, check it. Yes, there's 15 there, yeah. And 23 new pence, right? 427 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,840 23 new pence. Oh, that's lovely, yeah. Right, now I can pay all my bills now, 428 00:23:57,900 --> 00:23:58,859 you see. Hang about. 429 00:23:58,860 --> 00:23:59,659 What's the matter? 430 00:23:59,660 --> 00:24:01,100 Less than money for the broken window. 431 00:24:01,580 --> 00:24:02,580 15 pounds. 432 00:24:04,140 --> 00:24:07,440 According to my arithmetic, Butler, leaves you with exactly 23 new peas. 433 00:24:07,700 --> 00:24:10,380 Yeah, I know that, but you said it's only going to stop a little bit each 434 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,280 Yes, well, you thought wrong, mate. I changed my mind. 435 00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:14,360 Well, what am I going to do? 436 00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:16,700 Well, there's only one thing to do, isn't there, Butler? 437 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:17,920 What's that? 438 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,440 You'll have to do a bit more cleaning. 439 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,820 I suppose I'll have to.